Day 35

Been swimming a lot. I realized that I really like the feeling of being under the water. I think I'd swim more next week. I feel like I can die underwater if I don't gather up my courage. Hay, ang sarap. Pero medyo nakakalungkot rin na ganito. Ngayon lang ako natuto kung kailan di na tayo pwede magracing. Naalala ko lang bigla yung Cagbalete trip ulit. Wala, narealize ko lang naman to lahat. Di naman intentionally na sinasaktan sarili ko.

Day 34

Went to LosB. Drank to the point where I needed help to walk home. I woke up with a splitting headache. Still jogged past 10am. My tummy still wasn't up for breakfast. Was in a lying position up to 12:30pm. Ate spicy ramen and other weird spicy stuff for lunch. Yuichi got a new haircut. Went swimming. Had a few eye openers (hehe) on our way home. Went straight to church. Had a few hugs and hand massages. Ate dinner by myself.

That was definitely one of the best Saturdays ever. Nun lang ako nakapaglasing ng mej todo ulit after more than 2 years. 

Day 33

This song doesn't really say how I really feel about us because I don't want you to be lonely. Or maybe I'm just faking all this? Nah, I don't know about that. I honestly comfort myself with the thought that you're in really caring hands right now. I'm going back to LosB on Friday. My heart and mind's kind of divided as to whether I'd like to see you there or not.

But I'm sure as hell am really excited to drink and eat at Pearl's!

It's already Day 33. It has been a really wild ride for me. Missing you has a lot of ups and downs. 

Day 32

Lagpas 1PM na. Medyo nasanay na ko umalis pag sabado para magyosi. Hindi ako sanay na andito pa ko sa bahay. Gusto ko palaging lumabas. Gusto ko palaging lumayo. At bigla kitang namiss. Ikaw ang naging dahilan ko tumakas noon...ngayon yosi na lang.

Day 31

 They say I'm great at first but then the magic fades 
Into an awful hue of dismal views and pessimistic attitude 
All this distance years of sweet resistance
Swirling overhead like angry clouds of discontent

I have apologised a billion times
When I've gone off the wall like Busta Rhymes
And pulled a stupid stunt that left you thinking
there was something wrong with me 

You've thrown a few choice phrases at my way
And I've ignored them all as best I could
Except that tiny bit how I just can't commit
There is some truth in what you say

Hindi ko alam. Parang nakausad na ko na hindi pa? Parang tanggap ko na na hindi kami pero parang medyo malabo pa din lahat. Ano kaya mangyayari kapag nagkita na kami ulit? Medyo kakaiba rin yung feeling...tuwing naiisip ko na ganitong ganito ako sa kanta?

Day 30

I was checking movies out when I came across a few of the movies we watched before. And then I missed you again. Tomorrow, it'll be three months since that split. Maybe it's because we haven't talked in a while or maybe it's because I'm enjoying smoking at home right now...either way, even if I think about you everyday, I don't feel too much pain anymore. I still miss you though. You were really something.